Placebos Are Us! » Fun

Language Learner

admin — Sun, 07 Feb 2010 23:46:31 +0000

In the old days, it was sufficient to know how to write code in machine code or in FORTRAN, or, heaven-forbid, COBOL in order to make a good living working at a desk in an air conditioned building. Then, along came C, and C++, and Pascal, and BASIC. Sure, some folks used LISP and SmallTalk, but they were pointy headed academics or underpaid grad students.

Now, you need to know all of those, and Perl and PHP and Ruby and Erlang and Scala, and who knows what else wil get invented this week. You practically need a second page for your resume just to list them all, and you’ve made O’Reilly rich buying those stupid animal books for whatever new language some drunken grad student dreamed up.

Our pills can help. When folks ask “Do you know ___”, and name some language you’ve never heard of, just say “I take ‘Language Learner’ pills; I’m can pick thet up in an afternoon.” It’s not true, but the folks hiring you don’t really care, since you’ll be actually writing all your code in C or Visual BASIC anyway.

Get Things Done

admin — Sun, 07 Feb 2010 23:39:44 +0000

Dave Allen has produced a fabulous set of books about techniques, tips, and ways to change your life and habits in order to more quickly Get-Things-Done. They’ve worked for a lot of people, but they do require effort, and because of that his techniques and ideas aren’t for everyone. I’d say more, but I’ve never gotten around to reading his book.

For the rest of us, try our Get-Things-Done placebos. They probably don’t actually work, but they might, and they’re really inexpensive and taste great too! Each bottle contains a 30 day supply of “Get-Things-Done” placebos, although if you don’t actually think to take them every day (and, let’s face it, that’s a strong possibility) they’ll last longer. If it’s late December and you’re looking to do something to change your life come January 1st, we recommend you get the 90 day supply.

Custom Placebo

admin — Sun, 07 Feb 2010 23:36:10 +0000

We strive to provide a wide range of products, but we can’t cover everything. But, if you’ve got a particular problem you need a placebo for, buy this and let us know more about what you’re looking for, and we’ll custom-design a placebo for you and ship it out!

Clowns! Clowns!

admin — Sun, 07 Feb 2010 23:28:18 +0000

Some people in this world like to dress up in floppy shoes and poorly fitting clothes, wearing flowers which squirt you when you try to smell them, and covering their faces with paint and garish smiles. These people are clowns. Some people don’t like them, and it’s for this second group which we developed this product. Actual sufferers of coulrophobia, an irrational or exaggerated fear of clowns, likely won’t get a lot of benefit out of these placebos. However, if you’ve got a regular old somewhat rational fear of clowns — like, say, Bozo the Clown tried to run you over when you were 9, or at least you seem to remember something like that happening, although it may have been a dream because you got away from Bozo by flying and eventually ended up in math class naked — then these “Clowns! Clowns!” placebos may be perfect for you, since they’ll help you convince your reticent subconscious that you’re doing something about all the evil clowns in the world.

Blog Better

admin — Sun, 07 Feb 2010 23:24:34 +0000

Let’s face it, most blogs are kind of boring, aren’t terribly current, and probably have too many pictures of cats on them. Writing good content, every day, about something that people want to read about is hard. Those folks who can do it deserve our praise and thanks.

For the rest of us, we’ve got these placebos. Sure, they probably won’t help you write more often, but maybe if you can remember to take them every day then you’ll also remember to post something about whatever comes into your mind. Or, at least, a picture of your cat.