Placebos Are Us!

Stop hating your dating!

admin — Thu, 15 Jul 2010 06:19:38 +0000

Find the ability to be interested in a better class of men!

Clowns no longer feared!

admin — Thu, 15 Jul 2010 06:00:57 +0000

Conquer your fear of clowns with our Clowns! Clowns! pills!

Motivation Acquired!

admin — Thu, 15 Jul 2010 05:56:50 +0000

Never fail due to a lack of motivation again with our Motivation Pills!

Virus Vanquished!

admin — Thu, 15 Jul 2010 05:53:04 +0000

Virii won’t stand a chance against our Virus Vanquisher pills!

Slice-no-more

admin — Sun, 07 Feb 2010 18:17:31 +0000

Improve your golf shot with our Slice No More pills…

Better Putt Performance

admin — Sun, 07 Feb 2010 18:16:28 +0000

If you can’t put the ball into the hole once you get it onto the green you’re never going to be successful at golf. Since 90% of golf is mental (the other 90% is having the right clubs, and the last 90% is the idiots you’re playing with messing up your performance), why not rely on these, the finest golf putting performance placebos on the market to improve your putting accuracy and distance?

Taken as directed, each bottle should last at least twelve full rounds of 18 holes, or more if you take them less often and less if you compulsively eat the whole bottle on the fourth hole.

Motivation Pills

admin — Sun, 07 Feb 2010 23:55:35 +0000

A famous man once said “Getting started is 90% of the work.” We don’t know who, because we just heard it and can’t be bothered to look it up. But, it’s probably true, and so we’ve developed these motivational placebos which could help you or someone you’re concerned about get past the initial hump of any project.

Taken as directed, daily, we think it’s just possible that these could turn a Beetle Bailey into some other, successful cartoon character.

Monster Repellent

admin — Sun, 07 Feb 2010 23:51:04 +0000

Most children are naturally immune to the effects of monsters, including the closet monster, the under-the-bed monster, and the dreaded spooky-noise-at-night monster. However, in some children this natural immunity sometimes runs low, and so these all-natural “Monster Repellent” pills can help boost this immunity and keep the consumer safe.

Math is not Hard

admin — Sun, 07 Feb 2010 23:49:44 +0000

Ever since Barbie famously uttered the phrase “Math is hard”, well, it’s been all downhill for addition and multiplication, to say nothing of the ratios or derivation. Today, even respected politicians ( ha! ) and intellectuals seem to be down on math, and that’s too bad.

To rectify this situation, we are happy to provide these “Math is not Hard” pills. Through the miracle of the placebo effect, and possibly some math tutoring from someone versed in the art of symbolic manipulation, math no longer needs to seem as difficult.

Language Learner

admin — Sun, 07 Feb 2010 23:46:31 +0000

In the old days, it was sufficient to know how to write code in machine code or in FORTRAN, or, heaven-forbid, COBOL in order to make a good living working at a desk in an air conditioned building. Then, along came C, and C++, and Pascal, and BASIC. Sure, some folks used LISP and SmallTalk, but they were pointy headed academics or underpaid grad students.

Now, you need to know all of those, and Perl and PHP and Ruby and Erlang and Scala, and who knows what else wil get invented this week. You practically need a second page for your resume just to list them all, and you’ve made O’Reilly rich buying those stupid animal books for whatever new language some drunken grad student dreamed up.

Our pills can help. When folks ask “Do you know ___”, and name some language you’ve never heard of, just say “I take ‘Language Learner’ pills; I’m can pick thet up in an afternoon.” It’s not true, but the folks hiring you don’t really care, since you’ll be actually writing all your code in C or Visual BASIC anyway.