For Guys For Women Fun

Language Learner

In the old days, it was sufficient to know how to write code in machine code or in FORTRAN, or, heaven-forbid, COBOL in order to make a good living working at a desk in an air conditioned building.  Then, along came C, and C++, and Pascal, and BASIC.  Sure, some folks used LISP and SmallTalk, but they were pointy headed academics or underpaid grad students.

Now, you need to know all of those, and Perl and PHP and Ruby and Erlang and Scala, and who knows what else wil get invented this week.  You practically need a second page for your resume just to list them all, and you’ve made O’Reilly rich buying those stupid animal books for whatever new language some drunken grad student dreamed up.

Our pills can help.  When folks ask “Do you know ___”, and name some language you’ve never heard of, just say “I take ‘Language Learner’ pills; I’m can pick thet up in an afternoon.”  It’s not true, but the folks hiring you don’t really care, since you’ll be actually writing all your code in C or Visual BASIC anyway.

For Guys For Women

Inner Peace

Often, finding the joy in ordinary life requires a life of contemplation and meditation as well as a desire to learn from and accept the limitations of others.

But, not if you get these, Inner Peace Pills, which may enable you to achieve the happiness and serenity of the Dali Lama by simply taking them each day as directed. And, if they don’t work, well, you can take out your frustrations on the idiots who sold you these placebos and said they’d work wonders even though, since they’re a placebo, they should have no measurable effect one way or the other whatsoever.

For Guys

Handsome Up!

Let’s face it, we can’t all be George Clooney. Heck, only one of us can be George Clooney, and odds are it isn’t you. But, to help you out with impressing the opposite gender, or whatever gender you’re hoping to impress, we offer our “Handsome Up!” placebos. We don’t know of any reason taking these pills would actually change how handsome you are, but there is alway that 30% effectiveness magic of the placebo effect, and maybe if you just think you’re handsome that will help you deal with the inevitable rejection.