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Placebo Labs.com

Better Taste in Men

Picking a good guy is always tough. Sure, the bad ones are exciting, and the good ones are often nebbish. However, you don’t need to put up with a man who demeans you, makes you pay for everything, or who has never heard about the little man in the boat. You deserver a better man.

Our “Better Taste in Men” placebos may help you to be more discerning while out dancing, or drunk, or both, and less likely to bring home a jobless, alcoholic, misogynistic lump who you’ll be embarassed to wake up next to, to say nothing about taking home to meet your mom. They are a placebo, but sometimes magic happens.

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Bigger Boobs

It’s sad that these days many women seem to be judged by the size of their breasts.  We at Placebo Labs are firmly in the camp that women, and indeed all people, should be judged by the content of their character and their past and future actions.  We’re practically a younger, less-good-in-the-writing-skills Gloria Stienem.

But, until the world comes around to our point of view, sometimes it may be necessary for you chicks out there to make people think that you have bigger boobies than you, in point of fact, actually have.  Surgery is expensive, and rather permanent.  You can get those silicone things from Victoria’s Secret, but they have this annoying tendency to shift at the most inopportune moments.

Or, you could take our pills.  Sure, since they’re placebos they likely won’t do anything to make your breast any bigger, but the truth is you don’t need that — they’re beautiful the way they are and anyone who says otherwise should have their back up against the wall come the next revolution — and instead what you need is a little confidence.  Our pills don’t provide that either, but they do look rather fetching there in your medicine cabinet and would be a great way to startle anyone who goes snooping around in your bathroom.

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Clowns! Clowns!

Some people in this world like to dress up in floppy shoes and poorly fitting clothes, wearing flowers which squirt you when you try to smell them, and covering their faces with paint and garish smiles. These people are clowns. Some people don’t like them, and it’s for this second group which we developed this product. Actual sufferers of coulrophobia, an irrational or exaggerated fear of clowns, likely won’t get a lot of benefit out of these placebos. However, if you’ve got a regular old somewhat rational fear of clowns — like, say, Bozo the Clown tried to run you over when you were 9, or at least you seem to remember something like that happening, although it may have been a dream because you got away from Bozo by flying and eventually ended up in math class naked — then these “Clowns! Clowns!” placebos may be perfect for you, since they’ll help you convince your reticent subconscious that you’re doing something about all the evil clowns in the world.

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Get Things Done!

Dave Allen has produced a fabulous set of books about techniques, tips, and ways to change your life and habits in order to more quickly Get-Things-Done. They’ve worked for a lot of people, but they do require effort, and because of that his techniques and ideas aren’t for everyone.  I’d say more, but I’ve never gotten around to reading his book.

For the rest of us, try our Get-Things-Done placebos. They probably don’t actually work, but they might, and they’re really inexpensive and taste great too! Each bottle contains a 30 day supply of “Get-Things-Done” placebos, although if you don’t actually think to take them every day (and, let’s face it, that’s a strong possibility) they’ll last longer. If it’s late December and you’re looking to do something to change your life come January 1st, we recommend you get the 90 day supply.

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Handsome Up!

Let’s face it, we can’t all be George Clooney. Heck, only one of us can be George Clooney, and odds are it isn’t you. But, to help you out with impressing the opposite gender, or whatever gender you’re hoping to impress, we offer our “Handsome Up!” placebos. We don’t know of any reason taking these pills would actually change how handsome you are, but there is alway that 30% effectiveness magic of the placebo effect, and maybe if you just think you’re handsome that will help you deal with the inevitable rejection.

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Inner Peace

Often, finding the joy in ordinary life requires a life of contemplation and meditation as well as a desire to learn from and accept the limitations of others.

But, not if you get these, Inner Peace Pills, which may enable you to achieve the happiness and serenity of the Dali Lama by simply taking them each day as directed. And, if they don’t work, well, you can take out your frustrations on the idiots who sold you these placebos and said they’d work wonders even though, since they’re a placebo, they should have no measurable effect one way or the other whatsoever.

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Monster Repellent Pills

Most children are naturally immune to the effects of monsters, including the closet monster, the under-the-bed monster, and the dreaded spooky-noise-at-night monster. However, in some children this natural immunity sometimes runs low, and so these all-natural “Monster Repellent” pills can help boost this immunity and keep the consumer safe.

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